FAIL: Posting a DNS for the Pregnant Half

Warning: Do not read if you don't like incredibly self-indulgent sob stories.

I am a runner. That is something that took me a lot of years to be able to say without partially giggling or judging myself in the back of my mind. See, I'm not a naturally gifted runner, not the typical build or ability. But I've worked hard at it, quite frankly hated it for years, and now I love it and it has become an incredibly important part of my life. Originally it was something I just did for myself to be fit and to fit into my prom/wedding dress. Then it morphed into something I did as a personal challenge, to do more distance and accomplish personal goals. Then it morphed into something that Mike got into and we did together, which has been great for both our marriage AND our cholesterol. And finally it has become a great community for me, both with my run club and my other runner friends as well as the the greater running community. There is a camaraderie one only feels at an event where everyone else is as "crazy" as you to be wanting to run significant distances without being chased by an evil murderer.
 

Said run club at the AU 5k.

So far in my pregnancy, I have been SUPER fortunate to be able to continue running. I have skipped a few runs, sure, but for the most part I've been feeling great while able to keep up with my run club and competed in a (albeit slow) 5k at 18 weeks (see above). I even signed up for a half marathon on May 5th, thinking that since I've maintained a 10-mile distance since the marathon in October, I could do a half no problem. I told myself that if I couldn't do the half for any reason or if I feel uncomfortable or if the baby could potentially be harmed, I would quit and there would be no shame and I would accept it. Sometimes you tell yourself things and you are just straight up lying.


You see today I had a HORRIBLE run and Sunday I had a HORRIBLE run and I'm pretty sure that means I have to stop running. I am not accepting it. Despite attempting two different belly bands, the increased size of my belly has started having adverse affects on the ligaments/tendons/muscles what-have-you of my lower abdomen and it is incredibly uncomfortable. And bonus, it makes me feel like I have to pee the entire time, which Sarah V. warned me about and I magically thought would just not happen to me. This makes me indescribably, and perhaps irrationally, sad.

My mind knows that if my body is in pain it is not good for the baby and I need to stop. But my overly emotional and competitive side REALLY wanted to be able to finish a half marathon while pregnant. The total bugger part for me is that I could have done this no problem 4 weeks ago. Probably even 3 weeks ago or last week (save for that pesky Achilles issue). But this week it is evident that is no longer true. Perhaps it was too ambitious to begin with, but 3/5ths of my run club plus Mike plus a heap of controllers are planning on running it. I hate to miss out on fun and I had a not-so-secret ambition of trying to beat some of Mike's coworkers while pregnant. Even more disappointing is not be able to run even short distances now. I read an article about pregnant distance running yesterday that basically said it's okay as long as you are paying attention to your body and listening to it when it tells you to slow down or stop. It talked about your reason for wanting to run and if it's for your own personal gain you need to buck up and think about your baby because you are being selfish. I know running the half would be selfish. So I won't do it.

I know it seems stupid and I'm being incredibly whiny, but I feel like I'm losing a piece of who I am. Perhaps who I am is changing and I need to get on board with that. I know this will not be the first thing I have to "give up" for the baby, but it is certainly the most challenging so far. Yes, MUCH more than cocktails. I imagine many of you are snickering at me a little bit thinking, "Oh just wait to see how your life changes when the baby actually comes." My sister's tales of not being able to go to the bathroom uninterrupted come to mind. I know that's true and it's coming, but for today, I mourn the loss of my run and the accomplishment of a pregnant half. Insert tiny violins playing the saddest song in the world here.

And now for those of you who have asked for belly photos (notice how much more of the archway in the background I occupy from 18-22 weeks...YIKES):

18 weeks, feeling fine, running 5ks, taking names.

20 weeks, last 10 mile, still feeling great.

 

 

22 weeks, wheels fall off. Baby practices karate in my belly with the patented kick-punch combo to remind me that this is not about me and I should get over myself. I'm working on it. Mom, thanks for never having sympathy and teaching me to move on. I'll be past this by tomorrow and ready to cheer everyone on in 10 days!

Look out Great Western Half Marathon - I'm coming for you next year!